User blog:Mrs Chanandler Bong/SONG REVIEW: Man's Not Hot

Fuck it. I gave into the meme. I will brush my best teeth in the fucking game as I give you not a meme review but a meme analysis. Now, let's talking about where hip hop is right now in 2017. Bluntly, rap's trap crap and hip hop's slip-slop that ain't hip, you can't hop. You just... swang, or whatever the kids are calling it these days.

​You are unforgettable

​[singing] Your song's so forgettable... Can't wait till this ad is gone. So I can play Beck albums.

[speaking] Seriously though, rap is currently in a dark age, and not quality, and not lyrical content. Emo Soundcloud trap rap's mainstream, baby, and that shit ain't going for a long time. Lil Uzi Vert and XXXTENTACION both got albums that sloppily sang their way into the #1 and #2 spots on Billboard... with a lot of autotune. Emo rap is your typical mumble rap but very... punk-infused but not in that sense of rebellion and Sex Pistols and stuff like that. More moany pop punk, post-hardcore and Skrillex rock. Long-hair black-wearing emos have come back, but now behind trap production. I hate most of it, and I have dissed Lil Uzi before in my Kanye analysis. But enough of whining about whining, hell, an XXXTENTACION made my top 10 last year so let's go review something that's bringing some light into 2017 hip hop... the Big Shaq meme.

​Lyrical Analysis: "Man's Not Hot" by Big Shaq (Michael Dapaah)
Michael Dapaah is a comedian who has two satirical grime artist characters. The beat is nothing unusual, however it's missing the alarms, fire grime beat and "Perfect" sound effect it had when it was a Fire in the Booth freestyle, performed on radio to Charlie Sloth, who features in the original track providing spoken vocals. That's where the meme comes from and honestly, he's smart, he's profiting off it and he's got DJ Khaled and Lil Yachty in his video. Good on him. I also saw him in a suit once and he was looking Michael dapper. I'll show myself out.

​Yo, Big Shaq, the one and only

For a guy who's a literal meme, he's not very knowledgeable about memes. Because Shaquille O'Neil is a big meme.

​Man's not hot, never hot

​I never got this line. It could mean that he's never hot, quite literally, but it could also mean he's not popular or his songs are not "fire" or "lit". I just never got it but hey, it's nonsense and that's the joke.

​2 + 2 is 4, -1 that's 3, quick maths

​It isn't actually that quick, it wastes a bar but hey, it's nonsense and that's the joke... right?

​Everyday man's on the block, smoke trees

​Is this actually satire or is just Dapaah trying to become a grime artist? Because it's not funny. It really isn't. Oh, he smokes weed on the block! Ha ha! That was a classic Shaq line. I don't get it, but nobody pays attention to these parts, do they?

​See your girl in the park, that girls is uckers

​Uckers? What? That's gangsta slang here in the UK? Okay...

Let's do something a little different, a little game called Rhyme Prediction, where we predict a rhyme and the joke is that the actual rhyme doesn't rhyme. So my prediction is:

"Hangin' with your tart, you some dirty fuckers"

Not a great line but a fine prediction. It uses some UK slang there with 'tart' and of course it's not impressive, it's a meme.

​When the ting went quack-quack-quack, you man were duckin'

​...Oh. When the gun made a duck noise, the man ducked. Well obviously he was trying to be safe, he's with his girlfriend, you prick! Do you wanna kill off his girlfriend or something?

​Hold tight, Asnee (my brother)

​Thanks for explaining.

​He's got the pumpy (big ting)

​Yeah, the pumpy is big, and it makes duck noises. Wait a second, so you make fun of the guy who tries to stay safe with his girlfriend, but then you tell your friend Asnee to stay safe? Is there some bros before hoes shit going on here?

​Hold tight, my man (my guy)

​They're synonyms. You're not explaining anything.

​He's got the frisbee

​What, is Asnee a fuckin' dog or something?

​Movin' that cornflakes / Rice Krispies

​Okay, that was kinda funny.

​Hold tight, my girl, Whitney

​Wait, so you don't think bros before hoes? So you're just being an asshole to a guy who wants to protect his girlfriend?

​(My G)

​Wait... play that line again.

​Rice Krispies / Hold tight, my girl, Whitney (My G)

​So, Whitney's your girlfriend... and your G?

​I see a peng girl then I pose

​You flirt with other women. Hilarious.

​Ha, look at your nose (check your nose, fam) / You donut, nose long like garden hose

​Bars of the year right here. The agressiveness of the "You donut" really pulls me in.

​I tell her man's not hot, I tell her man's not hot

​I never got this joke and he just rams it into the fucking ground like a drill.

​The girl told me, "Take off your jacket" / I said "Babes, man's not hot"

​Can Dad jokes not become a thing in rap music?

​"​Girls asks me for her name, what do I say? Hugh Mungus

These puns creepin' on you, infectin' your skin like fungus

She say she hungry, I say nice to meet her, I'm Dad

Hopefully these awful jokes will make her take a lap in my Cad'"

​Hop out the four-door with the .44, it was one, two, three and four

​Quick maths. Seriously though, I kinda like his flow in this second verse.

​Your dad is 44

​He's 52, actually. Get it right, SHAQ!

​When I see him, I'm gonna spin his jaw

​Did he just really threaten my middle-aged Dad for "asking man for a draw"? Jesus, a bit of an overreaction there, Shaq.

​Take man's Twix by force

​[stares for a while before bursting out in laughter]

​Your girl knows I've got the sauce

​STAY OFF THE S*UCE.

''​The ting goes skrrah, pap-pap ka-ka-ka / Skibidik pap-pap, and a pu-pu-drrr-boom / Skiya! Du-du-ku-ku-dun-dun / Poom, poom, you don't know''

So, in this line, he is implying that his gun makes a sound similar or identical to an improvisation made by several other hip-hop recording artists to imitate a pistol, further satirizing hip-hop culture.

Alternatively: So, in this line, he is implying that his ting goes skrrah, pap-pap ka-ka-ka, skibidk pap-pap, pu-pu-drrr-boom, skiya, du-du-ku-ku-dun-dun, two pooms and exclaims that I don't know.

And then he continues to milk whatever he can out of the "man's not hot" joke, which I still don't get. Thanks for reading, Taylor Swift and Right Said Fred reviews coming soon. That is the plan. Best teeth in the fucking wiki, folks, out.

​"The ting gets foouuurrr / Out of a possible 10

Some humorous quips, ya, but mostly in-frrr-iating-

-Ly! Unfunny shit, shit, shit

Yeah, yeah, just opinion."

Just kidding, it's facts. This is an objective 4/10. What do you want me to review next? Make sure to leave a request. But before I leave, welcome to a new segment: Stupid Lyrics​! Remember this?

​​Stupid Lyrics
'''1- "All Falls Down" - Kanye West feat. Syleena Johnson'''

​So this is a song about the financial and emotional troubles of college.

​Couldn't afford a car, so she named our daughter Alexis

​... [cracks up laughing] Really? I know corny lyrics are Kanye's thing but... dude.

​2- "Good Morning" - Kanye West

​So this is a song about the financial and emotional troubles of college... again.

​I'm like a fly Malcom X, buy any jeans necessary

​For God's sake, Kanye!

​3- "I'm in It" - Kanye West featuring Bon Iver

​I put my fist in her like a Civil Rights sign

​Uh... yeah.

​Damn, your lips very soft / As I turn my Blackberry off

​Were these lyrics written in 2008? No? This album was released in 2013? Yeezus.

​4- "Good Life" - Kanye West featuring T-Pain

''​Have you ever popped champagne on a plane while getting some brain? / Whipped it out, she said "I never seen snakes on a plane"''

​I can't get over this line, it's hilarious.

​5- "Doll-Dagga Buzz-Buzz Ziggety-Zag" - Marilyn Manson

​Bulletproof bizzop

​I would comment on this but I think we should let it speak for itself. In fact, this song is called "Doll-Dagga Buzz-Buzz Ziggety-Zag". You know, Marilyn Manson's a genius, I'm sure it means something.

​Doll-dagga buzz-buzz ziggety-zag / God mod, grotesque, burlesque, drag

At least he's getting somewhere with that burlesque thing.

​We know it's all Braille beneath their skirts

​Okay, that was kinda funny.

​I'm bulletproof bizzop and swing heil 

​I won't get blocked for this, will I?

''​Go! Go! Go! Throw your shapes''

​Wait, so this is a dance song? A doll-dagga buzz-buzz ziggety-zag song?

​Trumpet mouth junkie saints go / Silver tongue marching down the stairway to substance / Cocaingels and asses / Give me opiate masses / Fill up your Church porn preachers / And we'll fill up our glasses

Shock value and shock rock is his thing. I'm not gonna consider them stupid lyrics because this song does serve a purpose - it's to shock like all of Manson's music, which I really love by the way.

​Doll-dagga buzz-buzz ziggety-zag

​Except this stupid song.

Remember that this is all satire, I have nothing against the artists featured in this episode, and you shouldn't either. Everyone pulls a dud now and then. Take us out, Manson!

​Bulletproof bizzop

​Thanks! Mrs Chanandler Bong out!