User blog:Omgitskittykatty/I'm uber-bored so i'll do some guide to some things (only some) I would censor out of mrs. doubtfire

Mrs. Doubtfire [Daniel voice] Back off, a--hole! Beat it.''' [Mrs. Doubtfire voice] Broke my bag, the bastard'''.

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Daniel [as Humphrey Bogart] 'Don't make me smack you', sweetheart. I'll do it.

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Mrs. Doubtfire Oh, dear, Winston's idea of foreplay was, "effie, brace yourself."

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Tony You ship 'em. Lots o' luck, smart-ass(!)

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Mrs. Doubtfire Touch me again and I'll drown you, you bastard.

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Natalie We're his god damn (bleeped) kids, too!

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Lou This is a cartoon, okay? This is not a freakin' Oprah Winfrey special.

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Chris Ooh, a stripper?

Daniel No, please!

Chris Two strippers!

Daniel Aw, boy...!

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''[Miranda shows Mrs. Dupree to the door and gives Lydie the "slitting your throat" gesture as she walks away. Lydie checks Mrs. Dupree's name off the list.]''

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'''Daniel [Mrs. Doubtfire voice] Are your kids well-behaved? Or do they need like--like a... few light slams every now again?'''

Miranda Umm... I'll have to get back to you.

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'Mrs. Doubtfire Sink the sub. Hide the weasel''. Park the porpoise. A bit of the old Humpty Dumpty, Little Jack Horny, the Horizontal Mambo, hmm? The Bone Dancer, Rumpleforeskin, Baloney Bop, a bit of the old Cunning Linguistics?'''

Stu Mrs. Doubtfire, please.

Mrs. Doubtfire Oh I'm sorry, am I being a little graphic? I'm sorry. '''Well, I hope you're up for a little competition. She's got a power tool in the bedroom''', dear. It's her own personal jackhammer. She could break sidewalk with that thing. She uses it and the lights dim, it's like a prison movie. Amazed she hasn't chipped her teeth.

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Daniel Well, some of it's comfortable--no! It's a pain in the padded ass!

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Lydia Freeze, or you're gonna get it.

Chris ...in the balls.

Lydia Yeah!

[Pause.] She's got 'em?!

Chris She's got everything .

Daniel Alright, listen to me. I'm not ... who you think I am.

Chris Yeah, no s--t (bleeped).

Daniel Watch your mouth, young man!

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Miranda How long after Mr. Doubtfire passed away'''... Did you feel any desire...?'''

Mrs. Doubtfire Never.

Miranda Never?

Mrs. Doubtfire Never again.

Miranda Never again?

Mrs. Doubtfire Once the father of your children is out of the picture, the only solution is total and lifelong celibacy.

Miranda Celibacy?

Mrs. Doubtfire Yes. And if you violate that, heaven forgive you! Good luck(!)

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Miranda  You bring home the god damn (bleeped) San Diego zoo and  I have to clean up after it.

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Lou I'm not takin' any crap from you... "pal."

Daniel Well, in the words of Porky Pig: "Pi--pi--pi--pi--pi--piss off, Lou." (replaced with "Gur-gur-gur-gur-gur-get out, Lou.")

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'''Frank B--tch. '''(bleeped)

Evelyn Hillard This is your  mother you're talkin' to--

'''Frank No, Ma, not  you. I was talking about the dog!'''

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Mrs. Doubtfire I hope you bring cocktail sauce.

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Daniel (time reasons) And now ladies and gentlemen, the king.

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Mrs. Doubtfire  After all those scotches.. I had to piss like a racehorse.

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Daniel [German accent] I don't werk with ze males, 'cos I used to  be  one.

Miranda Yikes...!

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