User blog:MattBoo 2/MattBoo Rants - Ep. 2: Justin Bieber (Baby)

I just came across my first MattBoo Rants aimed on Disney I did 3 months ago, and I decided to do my second episode.

This second episode rants on Justin Bieber's so-called "hit", "Baby". All I can say to start out this rant is... "Oy vey, where do I start?"

The Rant
Yes, as well as most people with self-respect, I have a particular hate towards Justin Bieber and his song "Baby". Why you ask? Well, keep reading...

This song is so ungodly annoying, I'd wanna punch my computer monitor everytime I hear that song. Bieber's voice is also very uncomfortably high-pitched. Are you sure he's a teenage boy or a just an insane girl wearing a boy wig? It would make sense, because I think that's the same deal with Lady Gaga in reversed sexes.

And his following is also annoying as hell. All my female acquaintances at school ever talk about is "ZOMQ I LUV JASTEN BIIVER HE WILL GIVE ME TONGUE CPR AND WE WILL GET MARRIED!!!!1!!1!1!!11!1one" I swear to God, I am not kidding! They literally say that! Okay, here's what I WOULD say to them if I weren't so sensitive to my friends.

1: You DO know Justin Bieber doesn't even know you, right?

2: If you DO marry him, a lot of fangirls are going to kill you.

3: Bieber's probably engaged already, and you're gonna be all butthurt and jealous if he gets married.

4: Guess what? No one cares.

I mean, these fangirls can't even stop thinking for not even a second about this guy. They treat him like he's some sort of God or something. You people have a life, believe it or not, outside of the MP3 player, and you should live it.

They also use him for merchandising non-stop, guest stars, tours, etc. like he's a money-making machine! All you see in music stores anymore is "Justin Bieber" this and "Justin Bieber" that! In my opinion, everytime I see ANYONE buy ANY merchandise relating to Justin Bieber, it makes them look like consumer vgnqdr (encoded for censors).

Wait, am I missing something her-- oh, yeah, the song.

The song itself sounds like what would happen if Hanna Montana and Eminem broke up in some little girl's dream. Not only that but you get to hear the word 'baby' over and over again with some barely audible instrumentals!

Seriously, anyone who thinks hearing the words "baby, baby, baby, ohhhhh" repeat all over again like a friggin' record is considered so-called "good music" should contact a therapist.

I mean, I wouldn't mind adding in a famous celebrity in a half-assed crappy song that sounds like a Disney teen drama show's vomit to make it "spicier" as much as the next guy, but Ludicras? THE famous rapper Ludicras?

I'm surprised during the song, he's not rap battling the heck out Bieber and kicks him out of the recording studio! Throuought this cestpool they call music, Ludicras sounds like he's wasted or something like that. C'mon, Bieber? Why put Ludicras in a bland, lame, painfully generic love song? It's not a wise move.

Jesus knee cow, 'EVEN "BAD ROMANCE" WAS MORE DECENT THAN THIS!!!! GAGA AT LEAST HAD TAME SINGING SKILLS AND THE INSTRUMENTALS WERE SOMEWHAT AUDIBLE!!!!!!' I'm not saying it was a good song, it IS a bad song, but at least it was somewhat truly considered music because of the effort put into it and the okay and promising execution and payoff it let out in completion. But, "Baby"? Come on Bieber, you have freaking LUDICRAS in this! You don't want Ludicras to think you're THIS damning lazy, do you?!

If right now you're thinking "Hey JB is awesome I hate you meanie go die in a chasm you hurt my feelings waahwaahwaahwaah mean meany!", let me tell you this.

The official "Baby" music video on YouTube has at least 30 million views, and out of those 30 million people, it gained 1 million likes and 3 million dislikes. So, therefore, this song has largely negative feedback and I, for one, think it deserves it! I'll add a screencap of it when I'm not lazy.

I also heard Bieber got hit with a water bottle a few years ago. Well, good for him.

The Rating
This thing is so horrendous I would give it 1/10 stars, but because I'm nice today, I'm giving it...

1.5/10 stars.

I mean come on, Justin. Ludicras himself in this, and THIS is the best you can come up with? Tsk, tsk, tsk. I hear better music come from a package of toilet paper.

I mean, I cannot even think of anything worse than that song! Nope, I really can't. Words cannot describe how satanically bad this song is, and nothing is worse! No, go ahead! Give me your "worst" and I WILL tame them! There is NOTHING worse that Justin Bie--

(One Direction's "What Makes You Beautiful" and Rebecca Black's "Friday" pops up.)

Oh, yeah, forgot. HOLY MOTHERFU--

(BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!!!!!!!)

Tell me what other things I should rant in the comments below! Episode 3 coming soon...

~MattBoo