User blog:Omgitskittykatty/The Future is Stupid UNCENSORED

The Pilot is Stupid
(Theme song)

(We cut to a spaceship floating around in space)

Dan: *Voice* Space...the final frontier. For about...3 weeks, we have been searching for a planet known as "Insert Planet Name Here Because The Writers Got Lazy", because our stupid boss said so. So far, we have no luck, but who knows...maybe we co-

Roger: UUUGHHH.

(We cut to the inside of the spaceship)

Roger: Nobody freaking cares about your shitty journal crap. I'm tryin' to do nothing here!

Dan: Hey, don't blame me. Our boss said to update this journal log. If you want to get fired and get no Space Money, that's fine by me.

Roger: I AM quitting this job after this mission. For the past 3 years I've been listin' to that old sack of shit tells us what to do. *Imitating his boss* Oohh, find this planet nobody gives a fuck about. Ooohh, destroy that asteroid hitting that planet filled with millions of cats, Oohh, find me a girlfriend. God, I'm so pissed at him.

Dan: You do realize he can hear us through this video monitor, right?

Roger: Yeah, but he doesn't use it! He's too busy having wet dreams about money!

Dan:...How could a person have wet dreams about money?

Roger: Shut your piehole. I'm going to bed. *hits his head with a hammer, causing him to pass out*

Dan: Ugh.

(He continues to pilot the ship, and eventually falls asleep)

(We see a wormhole suddenly appear in front of it)

(Dan wakes up)

Dan: Ehh? *He sees the wormhole* Holy crap...Roger, get up!

Roger: *attempts to shoot Dan while sleeping, but the bullet misses*

Dan: Dammit, you waste of space. This is serious! WE'RE ABOUT TO CRASH INTO A WORMHOLE!

Roger: *gets up* Liar. Good attempt at waking me up, tho-*sees the wormhole*.....fuck.

Dan: *Is pushing the "Backwards" button on the ship* ComeoncomeoncomeoncomeconCOMEONCOMEON!!GOGOGO!!!

Roger: WE'RE GONNA DIIIEEEEE!

Dan: Not quite yet...

(The spaceship gets closer to the wormhole)

Dan: Okay, NOW we're gonna die.

(The two are sucked into the wormhole)

(The wormhole goes to the year 2345 and the spaceship lands in a field)

Roger: OW!

(Dan and Roger walk out of the spaceship)

Roger: How the hell are we still alive?

Dan: *Holds out a device with the number "2345" seen on it* I'm not quite sure. Anyways, according to this Alien Gizmo Radar Crap, the wormole we went through sent us to...2345?!

Roger: Well, f**k. We're in the future. And our ship is broken.

Dan: And my coffee is cold.

Roger: *holds out a pizza* And this pizza has pineapple.

Dan:...I'm gettin' hungry. Let's try to find some food.

Roger: Fine.

(The two walk onto the sidewalk, adn the sidewalk suddenly glows)

Roger: Ahh! Witchcraft!

Voice from the Sidewalk: Name the desination you would like to go to.

Dan:...Hmm..a sidewalk that does the walking for you! That's neat.

Roger: *points gun at the sidewalk* Die, WITCH! *shoots the sidewalk*

(The sidewalk shuts off)

Dan: Well thanks, asshole. You broke it.

Roger: No problem. It's a pleasure pissing you off.

Dan: Now we're gonna have to walk.

Roger: No. I'm not. *lays down*

Dan: Ugh. Whatever, I'm going to go get some food. Get lost and be a lazy ass all you want.

(Dan walks away)

(45 Minutes later)

Roger: *stomach growls* Hey? Didn't I tell you to shut up like an hour ago, stomach?

(Roger's stomach growls again)

Roger: Okay, you asked for it. *Grabs a gun and shoots his stomach*

Roger: ARGH! GODDAMMNIT FUCK THAT HURT!

Roger: I'm gonna need something to cover the wound or I'll bleed to death....*spots an empty beer bottle* Hmmm...

(Roger puts the beer bottle in wound)

Roger: Once again, beer saves the day! Heeyyy...maybe I should get some beer from a gas station.

(A Gas station suddenly falls down the street)

Roger: Hmm. What a coincidence.

(Roger walks into the gas station)

Roger: Wow! There's new brands of beer in the future!

Gas Station Worker: Future?

Roger: Shut up. No one was talking to you.

Gas Station Worker: EVERYONE IS TALKING TO ME.

(Suddenly, a bunch of people appear and stare at Roger)

Roger:...Weird...

(Roger grabs a crowbar, breaks the door open, and grabs the beer)

(Roger walks out, setting off an alarm)

Gas Station Worker: Ehh, I'll let the boss take care of this.

(In the bosse's room)

Boss: Ehh, I'll let the worker take care of this.

(Meanwhile)

Dan: *walking* I'm hungry...

(Roger walks up and punches Dan)

Dan: OW! What the hell, dude?!

Roger: I got beer. *Holds up beer*

Dan: Thank god. Gimme a glass.

Roger: Nuh-uh, no way. You get your own beer.

Dan: BUT YOU HAVE 20 FUCKING BOTTLES YOU ASSHOLE!