User blog:Mrs Chanandler Bong/STUPID RAP LYRICS

I wasn't active yesterday because I was collecting the stupidest lyrics in modern rap. These are pretty dumb but some not so dumb. I'll be saying stuff inbetween the words kinda like Rap Critic. Welcome to the Three Dumbest Rap Lyrics I Could Find.

No. #3: "Them Jeans" - Master P.
This is a trap song by Master P. that starts with a squeaky noise.

Come on, VIP baby (*squeak*)

Yep... So some of these lyrics are pretty dumb.

Cos thugs need love, girl, you know what I mean?

First of all, no, the girl does not know what you mean or even saying with that raspy freaking voice, and two, thugs don't need love. "I HAVE SEX ALL THE TIME AND HAVE LOADS OF MONEY AND I'M GONNA SPEND IT ON MYSELF AND I HAVE NO SENSE OF COMMITMENT... but I need love too! Help me find love! I'm in my 40s and made terrible decisions - one of them becoming a rapper - but I still haven't found love!"

Check out that Puerto Rican body / She's a hottie / I ain't Slick Rick

(laughs) No, you're definitely not.

But "La Di Da Di"

Okay, what the hell does that have to do with Puerto Rican people? Is that the highest-voted on the best song poll voted by Puerto Ricans? If so, no, it's not. (It's "Puerto Rico".)

And that Latino and Asian mommy make a grown man wanna do karate

Except, Latino is a male Latin-American, so...



No. #2: "Every Girl" - Young Money
This song is similar to that song "No Type" by Rae Sremmurd in the way that it's like...

I ain't got no type

And then...

Bad bitches is the only thing that I like!

Wow it just did it for me. So the song is about some guy who wants to...

Fuck every girl in the world

But he doesn't because he actually wants to f--k...

Every model, every singer, every actress, every diva / Every House of Diddy chick, every college girl, every skeeza / Stripper and every Desperate Housewife that resembles Eva [Eva Longoria]

Songs just aren't subtle anymore... Anyway...

I like a long haired thick red bone

Slang translator: I find a multi-racial and slightly overweight woman with long hair attractive.

Open up her legs

VEEEERY subtle.

To filet mignon that pu$$y

VEEEERY subtle. Seriously, that's very subtle, how the hell can you filet mignon a vagina? (searches "filet mignon") Oh, so you want cut her "beef" (vagina), but especially her firm tenderloins? That's f---ing disgusting. Okay, maybe there's an urban meaning to it... Oh... well I'm scarred for life.

If she let me in I'mma own that pu$$y

I feel the "if she let me in" was lazily added to the song because Lil' Wayne wanted you to know that he does not support rape! Or just to add to the flow.

Girl, I got that dope dick / Now come here, let me dope you / You gonna be a dope fiend / Your friends should call you "Dopey"

I think the real "dopey" is Wayne right here. "Dopey" means dumb. Lil' Wayne is dumb. You wanna argue with me?

I just wanna fuck every girl in the world / I like a long haired thick red bone

He gave the unknown guys a half-verse, meaning "Gudda Gudda" and "Millz" will never be popular. And...

When it WAYNES it pours

This is coming from the guy who said he was the best rapper alive.

My sex game is stupid / My head is the dumbest / I promise, I should be HOOKED ON PHONICS / (laughs)

Your sex game is not the only thing that is stupid here. Also what the hell is that voice you do in this song when you say "Hooked on Phonics" and why the hell is it so funny.

I think you're bionic

You don't know what that word means, do you? "Girrrrllll, I think you're a robot." Is that sexy to you robo-chicks out there?

I don't think you're beautiful, I think you're bionic

Yay, it's Lil' Wayne's 100th Mediocre Romance Just To Get Into Bed With A Long Haired Thick Red Bone Line. And then he does the stupid weird voice again...

Back it up and dump it (x2)

Okay, Drake's verse is...

Yeah, alright, ooh ooh

Yea get out your autotuned ad-libs before the verse, Wayne.

Okay, Drake's verse is decent and actually satires how long his girlfriend takes to get dressed, it's actually really goo...

''Are any y'all into girls like I am? / LEZBEEHAAAARRNESSSTED!''

If you could not figure out what he said, he's saying "let's be honest." That's how he says it in the song. You ruined it, Jimmy. You blew it. Don't even try.

So you can never say I'm CHOOOOSEEEEHOOOOOOOZZZZZ!

And obviously you're not gonna.

And Wayne says / Pu$$y pu$$y pu$$y

(That's an actual line.) Yeah, he kinda does. In fact, he says it in this song three times. In these three minutes, Lil' Wayne has filet mignon-ed, been on and on and owned that pu$$y.

Meek Mill is boring, so let's go to "Gudda Gudda".

Yo, these hoes are gifts like Christ-mass

I'm sorry, Mr. Gudda, but you may need to go to speech therapy.

I like them caramel skin, long hair, thick ASS

Oh okay nevermind. Slang translation: I find Asian women with long hair and large posteriors attractive.

So the song fades and...

And bitch, I'm Mack Maine

Does not end, apparently. This is the outro sang by Mack Maine which is basically about him being a pedophile and having sex with mentally challenged people and dwarfs.

In about three years, holler at me, Miley Cyrus / I exchange V-cards [Virginities] with the retards / Kit-Kat a midget

But he does say that he does not "discriminate" in the song, so maybe he's putting out a very positive message about teenagers, mentally challenged people and dwarfs being as sexy as other people? Huh... that's actually cool... congrats, Mack Maine. So that's the end of the song as it fades so...

I wish I could fuck every girl in the world

Just freaking end please.

No. #1: Shaq - "(I Know I Got) Skillz"
Shaquille O'Neal should have stuck to basketball and never rapped. Here are some mishmashed highlights.

''I'll hit you with the WAApSSPSSPSHSSPSSH / I dribble rhymes like Basketballems, people call me E.T - Extra-Tallems / I'll punch her in the stomach, I don't give a heck - why'd you booger hook her like that? - cos she breathed on my neck! / Everybody said I got fat, yep... but so did my wallet''

Okay, that last line isn't Shaq and it's an alright line by Def Jef who is also in the song.

You know how the name is spelt

I really don't. I had to look this up before writing the blog.

Alright, back to Shaq.

''Boom! Shack-a-lack-a-leck-a''

It's "lack-a," you can't even get the basketball lines right.

What about rhyming?

Oh, back to Def Jef apparently.

I can hold my own

Oh no it's Shaq again.

Knick knack Shaq attack, give a dog a bone

Really? "Yeah, but can you rap? Uhh, yeah I can dude. Listen to this epic freestyle: Knick-knack Shaq attack, give a dog a bone." It's so disappointing. Who are you trying to prove with that?

Anyway, thanks for reading and I will see you later.