User blog:Mrs Chanandler Bong/Mrs. Bong Reviews a Song: AJR - Weak

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Hello, everyone's favourite friendly neighbourhood Chanandler Bong here, and remember when I tried to review the charts? Yeah, it was gonna be a weekly series and everything, you know... well, frick the charts. Frick pop music. I was trying to be optimistic. Trying to be positive but frick this song and frick the people who made it. I'm sad I have to say that because they seem like three very nice, humble, Jewish guys. But this song is... agh!

I'm not even going to bother being formal. The only piece of formality you're getting is this: Hello there! I'm Mrs Chanandler Bong, and welcome back to...

This song is a piece of ish and shouldn't have ever existed.

​"Weak" by AJR
Okay... let's talk about "indie pop". Yeah, it's a sort of pop popularized by fun. and Gotye in the early 2010's and I'm sick of it. I don't know why it hasn't gone away. It strayed away from pretentious minimalistic ish like Gotye and Lorde and is now noise. It has gone into way overproduced, overprocessed, manufactured noise. And that's sad for me, because indie music, no matter what indie it is, is still independent music which should be recorded because of the artist's wishes and expressions not pressure to make whatever's popular... or whatever was popular three fricking years ago. You missed the mark, AJR, you made a dubstep song in 2017. Are you proud of yourself? Even Skrillex was moving to tropical house and hip-hop with "Where are You Now?" and "Purple Lamborghini", which you should totally check out, it is such an intense listen.

Biggest boss and I been the realest / I'm a bigger problem when I click with Skrillex / Murder on my mind, it's time to pray to God / My revolver is not religious, the revolution’s born!!

​[rocks out to "Purple Lamborghini"]

''​You wanna know my name? Go and tell the Sarg. / You wanna know my gang? SUICIDE SQUAD!''

​Forgive me for my wrongs, for I have just begun

​[bass drops and I collapse into pieces, falling unconscious]

​Two hours later

​[waking up, I start to dribble and get back onto my chair]

God, I think I danced too hard. Why would I collapse to the floor? I thought I was strong. I guess I'm just... I guess...

''​I'm weak! / What's wrong with that?''

​Ah ish I got to review this haven't I? Frick!

​Actual review
No, thank you

​Yes, welcome to the most recent indie pop/dubstep star trio, AJR. I haven't heard the rest of their stuff, and seeing how Spectrum Pulse tore their album to pieces in his review, I don't think I want to. I don't think they can make anything good seeing as they made this obnoxious little song.

Let's take a listen to the instrumentals. It starts off normal and calm and slightly acoustic but then develops into a quite pleasant pre-chorus to be honest. I like how the female vocals, which are provided by the singer of AJR's girlfriend, kind of act as a tantalising, distracting, almost seducing lure into this man's percieved weakness.

​(One sip) / Bad for me / (One hit) / Bad for me

​AJR has taken drugs... sure. This indie pop/dubstep band has taken drugs.

​(One hit)

​I'll believe you... sure.

​(One kiss) Bad for me

​This kind of reminds me of a song I really like by rapper Kendrick Lamar, who is killin' the game right now, "Swimming Pools (Drank)", in which the bridge...

​Pour up (drank)

​Faded (drank) / Faded (drank)

​...act as a kind of lure into Kendrick's obsession, addiction, whatever you want to call it. So, there's nothing wrong or bad about this song so far, or at least I haven't said anything about it that's wrong... um, maybe its obnoxious and annoying as frick chorus.

''​But I'm weak / And what's wrong with that? / Boy, oh, boy, I love it when I fall for that''

​Yep, this is when the pulsing synth gets to me and starts to make me want to rip my hair out. Also:

​Boy, oh, boy, I love it when I fall for that

​Boy, oh, boy, I love it

​Boy, oh, boy

​"Boy, oh, boy"? What are you, fricking Mickey Mouse? "Boy, oh, boy".

''​Mickey Mouse Clubhouse! / Come inside, it's fun inside''

​Wrong song. Easily confused.

​Mickey Mouse clip from ​Mickey Mouse Clubhouse: ​Boy, oh, boy!

​Boy, oh, boy, I love it when I fall for that

​...why?

Guys, let's have a talk: have you ever wanted to hang yourself in a particular part of a song? Just wanted to suffocate yourself to death? No? Well listen to this particular part of the chorus.

​Boy, oh, boy, I love it when I fall for that

​I'm weak--OOH WAAH-AY-EE-AY-EE-AH

​What the fu...?!

​OOH

​No, don't continue for God's sake! Who thought this was a good idea? Who?

Listen to the song for itself. If you don't want to pull that trigger after that "ooh waah-ay-ee-ay-ee-ah" is repeated seven times, you sure have some goshdarn resistance. Many songs I don't like, but there are few that are just painful to listen to. This hurts my ears. This whole chorus makes me feel like I'm listening to Skrillex + fun. + the "ri-i-i-i-ide" part from "Ride" by twenty one pilots and I don't enjoy that experience. Those three specific things are things that just should not be mixed, like ice cream + Doritos + blue cheese. Moderately pleasant and enjoyable on their own, but mix 'em together and you get... AJR. To be fair, I like the synth--

[chorus plays again]

Nah frick that I hate the synth.

Let's look at the lyrics:

​"No, thank you"

​Oh, nevermind. I see we don't need to.

​Is what I should have said

​But you didn't, you indie pop/dubstep monsters. And now I have to listen to your trash. But yeah, the lyrics are pretty bland really, I just wanted to make the "No, thank you" joke. It's kind of like that lyric from Wiz Khalifa's verse that starts off the third verse of "Payphone" by Maroon 5.

​Man, f--- that s---

​How about you make a heavy but enjoyable electronic rock song that includes elements of what you like but in moderation so it doesn't clash with original ideas and the pulsing synths?

​"No, thank you"

​Oh... How about in your whole verse, Wiz Khalifa, on "Payphone", you rhyme?

​Man, f--- that s---

​Geez, man... Just asking.

Let's read some of the thoughts behind the lyrics. Let's see what AJR has to say.

AJR: ''The day we came up with the idea we were at a concert venue called The Bitter End, which is in New York City. This tiny, little historic venue. Ryan went into the bathroom and saw a sticker on the wall that said “The Weaklings.” I guess a local band there.''

​AJR: ''I remember thinking, “That’s a very AJR’ish thing to say.” I’m weak, to be self-deprecating like that. So, we brought it back to the living room, and I remember the first thing we came up with for this song was, “I should stay strong, but I’m weak.” That was the punchline of the song that we knew everything had to be circled around that idea.''

Oh, okay, I get it... okay, first of all, is anything is a "very AJR'ish thing to say", don't say it. But I get what they're trying to do. They're trying to make a joking self-deprecating anthem that kind of mocks themselves for being weak. But I don't think the Weaklings were trying to do that. I would have implied that they made they were grunts, weaklings, minions, just kind of the Team Rocket grunts, the Goombas. They play music but nobody really cares about them and they're not very big or popular. But you took that as being vulnerable to cigarettes, alcohol and rollerblading? That doesn't work for me personally because the song takes a step that breaches it from "so bad, it's good" or "funny self-deprecation" or "get it? we're weak but we're being happy about it" to becoming an obnoxious anthem that I can imagine someone starting to preach powerfully to the choir, standing up on their little soapbox in a protest.

​I'm weak / And what's wrong with that?

​Due to the powerful vocals and obnoxious instrumental, I'm not gonna take that as ironic. I'm sorry, no siree is that not meant to be taken seriously. No hint of subtle sarcasm or anything. Congratulations, you just played yourself.

Also, there's a dubstep breakdown. You know how they twist and repeat the vocals in a lot of songs, especially dance songs? Yeah, they do that here for no reason.

So, conclusion: Frick this song. It tricks me into thinking it's some kind of dramatic story, in which someone succumbs to their weakness and vulnerability, but ends up being an "ironic" weakness anthem with absolutely horrible-sounding instrumentals and those blaring, pulsing synths, man... ugh. I'm glad that's the last I need to even think about this song. Goodbye, "Weak". Goodbye, "indie" pop. Goodbye, AJR.

​And take that little piece of s--- with you

​Outro
[door rings]

Hold on, I got to check something.

[checks the door and a postman gives me a box]

Hmm...

[I struggle to open it, but eventually get it open]

Oh... this is a giant box of wine. I don't drink, I guess I gotta return it.

​(One sip)

​It's bad for me.

​(One hit)

​Bad for me.

​(One kiss)

​No thanks, I'm not kissing a wine bottle.

[starts kissing a wine bottle]

Ah frick, I'm kissing a wine bottle. I guess I really am weak. What's wrong with that?...

Everything because now I'm gonna drink myself to death. Frick you, world, and your iffy indie pop music. Cheers!

[sips wine]

​What songs do you want me to review?
Thank you for reading! If you have any suggestions, leave him in the comments below. I'll sure to take a look into the songs. Adieu!

''​I'm weak / What's wrong with that? / Boy, oh, boy, I love it when I fall for that''

​After Credits Scene
[spits out wine]

This is disgusting.