User blog:Mrs Chanandler Bong/SONG REVIEW: "1-800-273-8255" - Logic feat. Alessia Cara and Khalid

Before we get into this month's episode, I think I need to tell you about the stuff we'll be discussing in this episode. We are going to talk about sensitive topics such as suicide and depression, which come up in the song, and it'd be wrong to not comment on those factors of the lyrics. If you are distressed by such topics, read on at your own discretion. If you are offended by anything I say, I am sorry but I am expressing my true opinion on this topic.

Just kidding. We're going to talk about Minecraft​!

​"1-800-273-8255 - MINECRAFT PARODY" by Galaxy Goats
Galaxy Goats is an up-and-coming singer and rapper who is known for his relatable "nerdcore" style. Nerdcore is a subgenre of hip-hop that involves alternative hip-hop instrumentation often with video game music samples, as well as lyrics that involve topics that may be considered "nerdy" or "geeky". That can include video games, films, television, computer programming, you know, whatever comes to mind. Galaxy Goats is a very innovative artist as he flips original songs on their heads and adds his nerdy lyrics to them, in an attempt to subvert popular music's stigma of having to be hip and cool. This song in particular talks about that in a very clever way that doesn't feel on-the-nose.

​I've been in the cave / I've been mining them ores

In this line of the hook, he creates an image of Galaxy Goats "mining ores" in a "cave" but he's really talking about how determined he is in becoming popular. He's been trying and trying but he just can't fit in.

​I feel like I'm out of my game ​/ I feel like my diamonds ain't mine

Here, he's singing about how he feels his 100k+ subscribers and the money he's getting from that isn't deserved because he has had this sudden burst of popularity and is still making the same shit, really, and he feels like he should be giving his fans more, but he can't because he'll fizzle out and lose this urge he's had since he was young to make what he's always wanted to make, which is discussed in his "Congratulations" parody.

Who plays Minecraft?

​'''​WHOO! '''​Here, he is ironically and sarcastically showing how desperate he is for attention.

​I don't wanna mine iron / I don't wanna mine iron / I just wanna get diamonds today

​In this line, he is addressing his contempt for the grind that comes with gaining popularity, views and subscribers, and desiring to just be able to do whatever and have a level of popularity where he can do anything and still be popular. It is at this point where I think the song is being sarcastic, and making fun of those who are popular enough to be surrounded by a bunch of yes-men.

​Now let me go diamond

​This is a nice pun about diamonds in the game ​Minecraft ​and "going diamond" - having an album or single sell so many copies that it is certified Diamond.

​All the other ores I'm mining, they think that they're diamonds

​In this verse, Galaxy Goats symbolises his scrapped song lyrics as "ores" that he believes are "diamonds" until he sees their reception, as further explained in his line:

​I've been praying for some diamonds / They be no awes that coming / And my arrow don't even matter, I know it, I know it

​The worldplay on "ores" and "awes" is actually really clever here, describing not only writer's block but how nobody cares about his work - they aren't in awe of his hard work, rather taking it as useless five-minute entertainment.

​I know I'm mining deep down, but can't show diamonds

He kind of expresses frustration at the nerdcore genre here, saying that he tries to write from the heart but he can't show this as this is not what the fans want.

​Ain't no ores hitting my pick

​Writer's block.

''​Where you been? Where you at? What are your coordinates?''

​This is to fans that don't care about him trying to be a serious artist and only care about him making funny hit songs, asking them: "Where were you when I was struggling? You don't care about my life or my real struggles, you only care about my comedy." He even asks what their coordinates are, insinuating that he will hunt fake fans down.

​Every ore is precious but nobody cares about iron

​Every song he writes is loved when it's what appeals to his fans, but nobody cares about the "iron" - the real music he's trying to make from the heart.

In the second hook:

​I want you to mine iron / I want you to mine iron / You don't gotta mine today

He tries to say to his fans that he doesn't matter. He doesn't want to bother. This is from a different perspective, almost mocking the last verse. This is because that verse was from the perspective of the people he was talking about previously, the people who are on a high enough level to do anything and people will follow. That person has gotten his head so far up his ass that he believes he has "fake fans" but in this hook he realises that it's a bit fucked up to expect every one of his fans to like every single song, but he's still jaded and arrogant. He says, "I want you to do it, I want you to try and do it". This could also be sarcastic from the same perspective as the last verse, where in this case, he is being condescending to his fans. A kind of sarcastic "You don't have to look for it anymore, I know, it's difficult for you, so I'm not going to do it for you to enjoy! Ha!"

​Now let me mine some ores

​Here, he wants his fans to stay away, and let him write shit that he enjoys.

I'm the very first ore when your pick's been mining on them rocks / And the torches on the wall when it's dark out, pick to pick with the miner

​He's sarcastically saying that his music is the best thing out there right now, that he is the best dude pumping out good music - again, he's jaded from his popularity.

​Stare at the Enderman / Finally knowing it'll kill you

​Here, Galaxy Goats' conscience comes to play. If he continues to watch fans swallow everything up and follow him loyally - the Enderman - he will break. He will snap. It will come to bite him back in the ass. In this second verse, he continues to have this conscience, talking to his fans about how they're the reason he does what he enjoys and he shouldn't be treating them like crap, like stepping stones. Examples:

​I know you're the reason I play ​Minecraft

​I know that you'll thank Notch you did

​He also describes his grind to the top:

''​What's an MC day without an MC night? / I'm just trying to mine them ores / Mining is hard / It can be so hard''

​Until he finally comes to a revelation - his fans love him, so he should love himself and love what he does. He gains the self-motivation to finally release what he feels proud of, without worrying about popularity. This is sang without a sense of snark or douchiness. This is genuine.

​But you gotta mine right now / You got every ore to mine right now

I finally wanna mine iron / I finally wanna mine iron / I don't wanna craft today

​The outro goes back to where Galaxy Goats started, creating a full circle, which starts and ends with insecurity and fear.

​Creepers don't hurt the same, I know / The cave I travel feels so dark

​Haters don't hurt him physically like Creepers in Minecraft​, they hurt his psyche.

​But I'm mining my ores till my pick gives out

​Despite this, he still has the confidence to be determined and still put shit out.

​And I see my torches melt this slow, no

​Despite this confidence, he still fears his fans (the torches) leaving (melting) because of him putting serious music out.

​But I don't wanna die

​He doesn't want to lose his popularity. He doesn't want to fade away.

​I don't even wanna fall in lava anymore / Steve don't wanna / Steve don't wanna / Steve don't wanna fall in lava anymore

​He doesn't want to fade or disintegrate into the "lava" that is a failed career. The last line, "Steve don't wanna fall in lava anymore", truly ends the song on a full circle, as his insecurities and fear are forming another person that he calls Steve.

This is a beautifully introspective song that would not be expected from a nerdcore rapper and is truly one of the best songs I've ever heard. Now to some that aren't as good.

Stupid Lyrics
I increased the rate of stupid lyrics per episode. Kill me.

'''​1- "1-800-273-8255" - Logic feat. Alessia Cara and Khalid'''

​Oh, uh, thanks for the support, Logic. Okay, I appreciate the message of this song and all, but sometimes it really is just cringeworthy, and it doesn't even have a good enough beat for me to enjoy it. It's helped a lot of people and that's awesome, but it doesn't appeal to me as a song. Mainly because Logic tries to sing.

​I feel like my life ain't mine

​It also has this classic lyric:

''​Who can relate? (whoo!)''

​He is talking about suicide and it's obvious he's desperate for people to relate with, and that's a cool part of the story, but the way he shouts and asks "who can relate?" and then shouts "WHOO!" It's hilarious.

​2- "BETRAYED" - Lil Xan

​And her pussy takes like Skittles, what?

​Yeah, "what?" indeed.

​And you can really taste the rainbow, what?

​Why are you reacting your own shitty lyric? That's my job!

​Your bitch just like a Crayola

​Yes, I'm sure this teenaged-looking 21-year-old wearing a jumper that says "That's an awful lot of cough syrup" and raps what a child would think of when made to say a sexual rap line, is just driving around in the whip and taking my girl!

'''3- "Bottoms Up" - Trey Songz feat. Nicki Minaj'''

​This Mr. Steal-your-girl!

Also, Mr. aggravated assault against a police officer. [http://www.cnn.com/2016/12/29/entertainment/trey-songz-arrested-detriot-concert-assault/ Girls like bad boys, I guess? ]

​4- "Steal My Sunshine" - Len

​I love how happy this song is, but the first dude really needs a throat lozenge. I feel that if he sang all of the chorus instead of just half of it, he'd be downing cough sweets... or Skittles.

​Now the fuzzy stare from not being there / On a confusing morning week / Impaired my tribal lunar speak

​Uh... who can relate?

​(whoo!)

Also--

Jared, I love you!

​What the fu--

​I was lying on the bench slide / In the park across the street

​Are you twelve or something? Like, I don't discriminate, anyone can go on the bench slide, but lay on it? That's something an obnoxious tween douchebag with ignorant parents would do.

​Jared, I love you!

​Yeah, those guys are called Jareds.

​L-A-T-E-R that week

​That is so unbelievably lazy. I hate when people do that, even in iconic songs like "Respect". It comes off as lazy pointless filler.

​4- "It's Everyday Bro" - Jake Paul ft. Team 10

​What? It was gonna happen sometime.

​Los Angeles, Cali boy / But I'm from Ohio though, white boy

​And I met a Lambo' too

​Who the hell are flippin' you?

​It's selling like a God church

​England is my city

You know he stay litty

''​Like, Mag, who? Digi, who? Who are you?''

​Number one and number four, that's why these fans all at our door

​Now the trio is all rollin'

''​Yo, it's Tessa Brooks / The competition shook / These guys up on me / I got 'em with the hook / Let me educate ya / And I ain't talking book / Panera is your home? So stop calling my phone! / I'm fly like a drone''

​Now, I'm in my flippin' zone

​Always plug merch link in bio

​There's also a remix featuring Gucci Mane.

'''​5- "It's Everyday Bro (Remix)" - Jake Paul feat. Gucci Mane'''

​Gucci has no bad lyrics in this song. However, Jake Paul's outro is kind of... pointless.

​Album, album coming December 1st / Album, December 1st

​Really? Please don't.

​Album, December 1st

​No, don't!

​December 1st, album 

​Oh, God, help us.

​Oh, shit, your boy does music?

​Yeah, we kind of figured that out by the 100 millions of views that your music videos have. And your fans would be saying they're "your boy", so they would obviously know. Is that like talking to your mum or something? "Your little boy makes music! Are you proud of me?"

As I said, Gucci is good in my books, he has boring production but no real stinkers of lines, and sometimes, he's actually really clever.

'''​6- "I Get the Bag" - Gucci Mane feat. Migos'''

​Two bitches so fine that I masturbated

​Nevermind.

​7- "Plain Jane" - A$AP Ferg

​So, I really like this song and its hook is fantastically good to sing along to. Probably the best sing-along trap chorus since...

​Ball so hard, motherfuckers wanna fine me / That shit cray

​2011? Jesus.

​Ride with the mob, alhamdulillah

​So, "​alhamdulillah​" means "all praise be to God". Why didn't he just say that? It would have rhymed better with "mob", and if you're worried about it sounding weird in the cadence, say "glory be to God" instead. A$AP Ferg isn't a Muslim or anything, and the song's not about Muslims. I just don't understand this line and the Verified episode where Ferg explains it doesn't really explain anything.

​Please believe me, I see RiRi, I'mma eat it like panini

​Hold her by the plastic wrapper and take a big bite? The plastic wrapper being her bra or panties or something? Okay, I suppose that makes sense.

'''​8- "No More Parties in LA" - Kanye West feat. Kendrick Lamar'''

​Instagram is the best way to promote some pussy

​I mean, K-Dot's not wrong​...

'''​9- "Show Me" - Kid Ink feat. Chris Brown'''

Mustard on the beat, ho!

I wish he wasn't.

​Mami, you remind me of something / But I don't know what it is

​Okay, well, hopefully you figure out. Now, why should I care? You don't even sound like you care, what was the point of this?

​10- "Lemon" - N.E.R.D.

​I pull up with a lemon

​Okay, let me cut you off there and ask you what the hell you mean by pulling up with a lemo--

​Motherfucker, we ain't finished

​I am. Stupid Lyrics, overthrowing the slime one line at a time.

​Wait a minute

If you have any song review or stupid lyric requests, tweet me (@cactusinthebank) or leave them in the comments below. Mrs Chanandler Bong out.