User blog:Omgitskittykatty/Censorship of Family Guy

''No, not the actual episodes. Overly censored, if you wish.''

Pilot Pitch: 

Lois: "Kids, I just don't know if I like the idea of your father going to a stag party tonight."

Meg: "Relax, mom, it's just a bunch of guys sitting around with a black marker and a checklist of the Ten Commandments."

Chris: "Heh-heh, thou shalt get drunk. Yeah!"/ Lois: "Chris, you're 13, don't talk like that."
 * Lois: "Peter, you know this is all because you drank at the stag party."
 * Peter: "I know, Lois, honey, you were right. Alcohol is trouble. Now I feel kinda guilty I ever gave Chris' first taste of beer." [to Chris] "Eh, but you turned out okay, didn't ya, pal?"
 * Chris: "I'm gonna go get wasted." [leaves]
 * Peter: "Okay, look both ways."


 * Meg: "Bacon's great mom, where's the orange juice?"/Brian: "Over there by the crotch."
 * Chris: "Heh-heh, that's cool that dad slept in the kitchen."
 * Peter: "Now kids, this is not a good example. Daddy only drank so the State of Liberty would take her clothes off."
 * Lois: "Peter, I honestly don't believe you. You spent the night on the kitchen table and your still drunk."
 * Peter: "I'm sorry honey, are you mad?"
 * Lois: "No, I'm just very dissa..."[chair collapses and she falls]
 * Meg: "Mom, are you alright?"
 * Lois: "My goodness, this chair leg was loose. Isn't that silly, I could've broken my neck."
 * Stewie: "Damn!" [violent music plays]
 * Peter: "Look honey, I'm late for work, can we talk about this when I get back?"
 * Lois: "Alright Peter but we haven't finished this conversation."
 * Peter: "Okay, bye." [rolls off the table and collapses on the ground with all the breakfast]

​Up Late with Stewie and Brian:


 * Lois (on the phone): "Hello!"
 * Stewie: "I'M GONNA FUCKING KILL YOU!" [Lois hangs up] "Damn! Anyway..." [resumes show]
 * The Family Guy 100th Episode Special:
 * Seth MacFarlane: Hello America! I'm Seth MacFarlane, creator of Family Guy, here to talk to you about some of the amazing work that's going on at the Dana-Farber Center for Cancer Research. [smiles] Oh, I'm just kidding. Can you imagine? Tonight we're gonna watch some of my favorite clips from Family Guy as we celebrate 100 episodes of doing just enough to get by.


 * Seth MacFarlane: At the heart of any successful TV family comedy is the family itself. Let's take a stroll down Spooner Street and relive some memorable moments from the family that helped make me, a poor Vietnamese immigrant, into a Caucasian Hollywood millionaire.


 * Seth MacFarlane:

Sure, Family Guy is an half-hour of laughter, but It's also a half hour of learning. Let's take a look back at some Family Guy history lessons that have kept America's high schoolers out of college.


 * Seth MacFarlane: Welcome back to the Family Guy 100th Episode Celebration. Aren't you glad this isn't the Dharma & Greg clip show? Because By now, you would have already seen the Dharma clips and you'd be stuck watching the Greg clips. God, what an awful, awful show. [10 second pause] Well, now let's check in once again with some of our biggest fans!


 * Seth MacFarlane: You know, some of my favorite moments on Family Guy over the years have been the musical numbers. They're the moments that keep us just one gay step ahead of the competition. So lighten those loafers and get ready for us to suck your funny with some Family Guy-style show stoppers.


 * Seth MacFarlane: I hope you've liked what you've seen so far, and I know you're gonna enjoy the rest. [starts to toss a baseball into his gloved hand repeatedly, playing catch with himself] And after it's over, what do you say you and I head out back and have a game of catch? We can talk about the trouble you've been having at school and why girls are so interesting all of a sudden.


 * Seth MacFarlane: You know, people often ask me why there are so many pop culture refrences on the show. Well, I'll tell you. Family Guy likes to hold a mirror up to society and say, "Society, you're ugly and we don't like a lot of what you're doing." Here's just a small sampling of our distaste.


 * Seth MacFarlane: You know, through the years, Peter Griffin has had more jobs than you can shake a stick at. [smiling] You know, I never got that phrase, "shake a stick at." Did people in the old days shake sticks at things in large groups? [Seth and people behind the camera laugh] See, I'm the engine that drives a lot of the comedy on the show. Let's look at some of Peter's jobs.


 * Seth MacFarlane: We'll be right back with more Cold Case. [more to himself than to anyone else] Another awful show. And it's very tough to look at, the whole thing is just drab. And it's like it's all shot with a blue filter, and it makes everything look really gray and unappealing. AndMedium, I hate Medium. Come on, everybody!


 * Seth MacFarlane: "Well, we hope you've enjoyed this look back at the first 100 episodes ofFamily Guy." [holding up a glass] "And here's the next 100." [a little bit agitated] "And hopefully we won't get canceled for two and a half fucking years in the middle again!" [smiling] "Good night, America
 * Creating the Chaos:
 * Seth MacFarlane: (during the intro) "It's not Effin' Cry! It's Laugh and cry!"
 * SETH AND ALEX'S ALMOST LIVE COMEDY SHOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWWW:
 * Marlee Matlin: "You wanna learn some sign language?"
 * Alex: "Yeah."
 * Marlee Matlin: "Yeah?" [shows her middle finger] "FUCK YOU!!"
 * Marlee Matlin: "Yeah?" [shows her middle finger] "FUCK YOU!!"


 * Stewie: "For our younger viewers, Bea Arthur used to be an actress on The Golden Girls on NBC. NBC used to be a network that broadcast television shows. Television shows are those things you watch on your laptop."


 * Seth:"If you were flexible, you can curl your (CLEVELAND) around your (CLEVELAND) wash it off and then start in on your (CLEVELAND) until you (CLEVELAND) get your two hands free to just (CLEVELAND) your (CLEVELAND) until you (CLEVELAND) on your (CLEVELAND)."
 * 200 Episodes Later:

Stewie: Watch your back, Simpsons, we’re less than halfway there.":::