User blog:Mrs Chanandler Bong/Squirrels

''[We see a tree with a family of squirrels living inside a hole that is carved into the centre of the tree. The squirrels seem depressed, mourning the death of someone special to them. A female squirrel's crying into the arms of her wife, who is grabbing tissues out of her pocket. Another adult squirrel is tightly holding onto its children. The camera then changes direction, allowing us to see a reverend squirrel and a black-and-white picture of the squirrel who has died. It is captioned with the name Muriel "Nutty" Ellesson, and "1945-2017".]''

Reverend Squirrel: We are gathered here today to mourn the life of Muriel "Nutty" Ellesson, a kind, caring squirrel who we are proud to have known in life and in death.

[The squirrel who was grabbing tissues out of her pocket whispers to her wife.]

Squirrel #1: Hey, hon, do you think we'll get any inheritance?

Squirrel #2: Like what?

Squirrel #1: As in, scrilla. The means. Riches. Top dollar. Cash. Money.

Squirrel #2: My mother died, Lucy... and that's all you can think of? Inheritance money?

[Squirrel #2 continues to cry but stands up and runs out of the tree.]

Lucy: Oh, Mary...!

[Lucy follows.]

Reverend Squirrel: Shall we ignore the travesty of that situation and continue with the mourning?

[Pan out to see all of the squirrels gone except two children.]

Reverend Squirrel: Damn... her own family doesn't care about her as much as I do. I'm sorry, Muriel. You were a damn good lover, though.

[The two children hear, and when Reverend Squirrel realises this, he mouths "shit" and shoos them away.]

Reverend Squirrel: Shoo, you furry rascals!

[As soon as they leave, Reverend Squirrel continues to mourn.]

Reverend Squirrel: I'm a reverend, messager of the beliefs of God. But at times like this I begin to wonder. Does God really care? Is he even out there? What's the point if what I've been preaching about all my life doesn't exist? Jesus Christ!

[He knocks over a chair.]

Reverend Squirrel: No offense.

[We cut to the squirrel who was holding her kids looking for her kids in the car park - someone's garden.]

Mother Squirrel: Where are you? Children? Come on, come to Auntie Maria. Muriel will be rolling in her grave if she finds out I lost you. Oh, for God's sake.

[The children are seen smoking inside a bush.]

Squirrel Kid #1: Hey, Johnny, wanna 'nother hit, dude?

Johnny: Fuck yeah, Cameron. Ooh, Cam, you ever think that girl in class is...

[Johnny's eyes widen as he notices something in front of him.]

Cameron: What the hell is it, Johnny...? Ohh. Oh, damn.

[It is revealed to be Auntie Maria.]

Auntie Maria: You guys are eight and you've been influenced by television to talk about attractive squirrel girlies and smoking, and... Wow.

Johnny: Uh... Squirrels age faster. We're actually 24.

Auntie Maria: That's bullshit and you know it, Jimmy. Now give me one of those and scram!

''[Auntie Maria nabs a cigarette and, dropping the packet, Johnny and Cameron run to Maria's car. As Maria starts to light from the cigarette, the bush starts to go up in flames.]''

Auntie Maria: Huh, why's that happening? ...Ohh. Oh, damn.

''[It is revealed that all of the cigarettes in the dropped pack have been pre-lit. The flames start to cover the screen.]''

Auntie Maria: Oh, those little motherfu...

[The flames quickly take over the whole screen, making Auntie Maria's face no longer visible.]

SQUIRRELS