User blog:Omgitskittykatty/(Nick) Fanon Guy

"Web has a Shadow"

[Cheery instrumental music] The Fanon family is watching The Brady Bunch in their living room

On the TV: Jan: Mom, Dad, I found cigarettes in Greg's jacket. Mike: Greg, were you smoking cigarettes? Greg: No, Dad. Mike looks at Carol Mike: Well, he's lying. There's no doubt about that. Looks back at Greg Mike: Greg, I'm afraid your punishment will be four hours in the snakepit. Mike pushes a button and the floor in front of them opens up. Mike: Now maybe that'll give you some time to think about what you've done. Greg: Aw, man! Greg jumps into the snakepit.

Jan: That'll teach him. Mike walks over to a metal door Mike: And Jan, I'm afraid you've earned a day in the chamber of fire... for tattling on your brother. Cuts back to the family - Stacy (sounding disgusted): Ugh, smoking. How does a boy like that go so wrong? KM: Well, they live in a crummy neighborhood. Krazy: The Bradys? KM: Aw, heck yeah. They got robbers, thugs, drug dealers. You name it. A woman pops up in front of the Fanons' window - Woman: You folks want some pancakes? KM: No, thank you. See, that's the worst we got is, uh, Jemima's Witnesses. Theme Song

Cuts to Dude, Stacy, Chrome, and Nyan in the kitchen

Nyan: Mom, my lips are too thin. Can I please get collagen injections? Stacy: Nyan, you don't need to change the way you look. You know, most of the world's problems stem from poor self-image. Cuts away to DAS Gym [polka music playing in the gym] It shows Hitler struggling to lift barbells. Hitler hears laughing and looks over to see a body building Jewish man being held onto by both arms by two hot women. Hitler (pissed): ***growls*** Cut scene ends. Shows Chrome in the kitchen, working on an invention. Chrome: Excellent! The mind-control device is nearing completion! Stacy: Chrome, I said no toys at the table. Stacy takes the mind-control device out of Chrome's hands. Chrome: Darn you, vile woman! You've impeded my work since the day I escaped from your wretched womb. Stacy: Oh, don't pout, honey. You know, when you were born... the doctor said you were the happiest looking baby he's ever seen. Chrome: But, of course, that was my victory day. The fruition of my deeply-laid plans... to escape from that cursed ovarian bastille! Return the device, woman! Stacy: No toys, Chrome. Stacy takes the mind-control device away from Chrome and places it in a cupboard. Chrome: Very well, then. Mark my words: when you least expect it, you uppance will come! [suspenseful instrumental music] Nyan: Mom, can I turn the heat up? Lois: Oh, don't touch the thermostat, Nyan. Your father gets upset. Nyan: Come on. This thing goes up to 90. Nyan turns up the heat for the thermostat up to 65 degrees KM bursts into the kitchen -  KM: Who touched the thermostat? Nyan: Gosh, how does he always know? KM: Brain implant, Nyan. Every father's got one. Tells you when the children are messing with the dial. A man bursts into the kitchen from the outside door. Random Guy #1: Hey KM, my thing went off! Your thermostat okay? KM: Yeah, it's all right. Random Guy #2: Hey, is my kid over here? Random Guy #1: Yeah, forget it! False alarm! A third guy's head pops up behind the first two guys' heads. Cuts back to KM, blocking part of the doorway where Krazy walks in. Krazy: Whoa, butt ahoy. Hey, KM, what's the occasion? Stacy: He's going to a stag party. KM: Now Stacy, I work hard all week to provide for this family. I am the man of the house. And as the man, I order you to give me permission to go to this party; You're worrying about nothing. Stacy: Oh? Remember when you got drunk off the Communion wine at church? Stacy: And then there was that time at the ice cream store. Cuts to an ice cream shop where KM is staring at his ice cream cone. KM: Oh, Butter Rum's my favorite. Peter takes a lick of his ice cream. K passes out, falling face first into a table and breaking it. Cut scene ends. Krazy: And remember when you had an Irish coffee the day we went to see Philadelphia? Cuts away to everyone in a movie theatre. [Audience crying] KM is staring deeply into the movie screen. KM: I got it. That's the guy from Big. Tom Fan, that's it. Aw, funny guy, Tom Fan. Everything he says is a stitch. Tom Fan's character: I have AIDS. KM: ***laughing hysterically*** ta ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Cut scene ends. Cuts to the party. Bagel: Hey, who wants to play "Drink The Beer"? KM: Right here. KM drinks the beer. Bagel: You win. KM: All right. What do I win? Bagel: Another beer! KM: Oh, I'm going for the high score. Cuts to Stacy pouring coffee the next morning. Stacy: Nyan, finish your pancakes. Shows the whole kitchen with KM hung over and laying on the table. Dude: Way to raise the bar, dad. Stacy: Dude, you're 11. Don't talk like that. KM: It feels like there's accountants are crankin' addin' machines in my head. Cuts to inside KM's head with two accountants. [Machines whirring] Paul: Dick, you ever wonder what's outside those walls? Dick: Say now, that's dangerous thinking, Paul. You best stick to your work. Paul: ***quick laugh*** Okay. Cuts back to KM on the table. Stacy: You see, KM? A hangover is nature's way of telling you I was right. I mean... Stacy's chair breaks and she falls to the ground. Nyan: Mom, are you all right? Stacy: My goodness. This chair leg was loose. Isn't that silly? I could've broken my neck. Dude: Dang! [Suspenseful instrumental music]

part 2 coming soon