User blog:MattBoo 2/MattBoo Rants - Ep. 1: Disney

Hi-llo, people! I decided to make a rant series of me reviewing pop culture, like KM's user rants and Homestar's curse-filled reviews.

So here's episode 1, my rant on Disney.

Okay, so, Disney. The perfect money-driven lovey-dovey teen drama company next to Hallmark. Disney, to me, has a lot of mixed styles to their work which makes them unique.

Well, some of them at least. Many of the new stuff Disney does, I cannot stand. They drive me INSANE!

[♪ "Insane in the Membrane", by Cypress Hill plays ♪]

I know what you're thinking. Why do you dispise some things of an organization people have all come to know and love? If you have a brain, and have a firm grasp on the logic of the world, you'd know just why. But I'll tell you anyway.

What I hate: The suff these guys make nowadays are so bad, I feel like punching those idiots who came up with them in the face!! No offense if you DO like these, but take a look at these loads of crap they play on the Disney Channel. A.N.T. Farm, Dog With a Blog, Austin and Alley, Jesse, Good Luck Charlie, Shake It Up, etc.

These shows show you that Disney doesn't give a rat's ass what the audience wants. All they want is "MONEYMONEYMONEYMONEYTROLOLOLOLWENEEDDRAMAMONEYMONEYMONEYMONEYTEENAGECRAPNOONELIKESMONEYMONEYMONEYMONEY!!!!!!!" That right there tells you what these transvestites are. I don't mind Phineas and Ferb, Gravity Falls, Fish Hooks, and all, but these idiopathics can't tell the difference between the old SpongeBob and your average "Norbit" sequel. There is Wander Over Yander, a new show by Craig McCracken (creator of The Powerpuff Girls and Foster's Home for Imaginary Friends) that's coming this year. This better be good, because I am about to put my foot down and say "Screw Disney".

And it's not just the shows. It's the classic movies too.

Now, don't get me wrong. I love the old Disney films. They helped symbolize what Disney truly meant (besides Mickey Mouse, of course, but they did bastardize him later on). Here's what infuriates me about them. They are so sad!

Every dang Disney movie ever made, there had to be this rule, death! Everyone's gotta die sometime in these flicks, THEY'RE GODDAMN DISNEY MOVIES! I mean, look at this!


 * Bambi's mom getting shot in "Bambi"
 * Mufasa getting thrown into the stampede in "The Lion King"
 * Clayton being hanged in "Tarzan"
 * Coral and the many fish eggs being eaten by a swordfish in "Finding Nemo"
 * The beast dying by looking at a mirror in "Beauty and the Beast"
 * Megara sacrificing herself to save Hercules in "Hercules"

Deaths. It's nothing but deaths! The company had its happy moments so much they decide to go dark every now and then. It's just so sad, not even the manliest can resist but bawl their eyes out before their corneas drown!

Oh, yeah. And let's not forget the dreaded-- [gulp]-- Disney XD! Toon Disney and Jetix were perfectly good channels! Couldn't they launch Disney XD on a different channel than Toon Disney and Jetix? People liked them. And you murdered them. It's like when CN got rid of Toonami! It made us all furious!

Rating: 4/10

If you want more, let me know in the comments. I've got a lot in stock. You can also ask me suggestions for new ones in the comments, and I might to it.

MattBoo out!