User blog:Mrs Chanandler Bong/The Problem with Dance Songs

Remember "Move Your Feet"?

​Don't stop, don't stop, don't stop the beat

​Remember "Jump"?

Kris Kross'll make ya (jump!) (jump!)

Hell, remember "Get into the Groove"?

​Get into the groove, boy

​They were all dance songs in which you could move your feet to, jump to and most importantly, get into their groove to. However, that's not true of most of today's modern and popular dance music. A lot of it is goddamn sad more than anything - especially since most of it is motherfucking tropical house.

You know, the tropical "beats" you can hardly dance to because there's a chopped vocal hook distorting the beat, even though it told you to dance? Okay, "Move Your Feet" did that too but that song is obviously not to ever be taken seriously. Like, dude, the video is about an overly-aggressive 8-bit squirrel who needs to eat a Snickers. But today, you've got tropical house stuff about remembering past lovers and a mother who can't take care of her kids because she doesn't have any money and she's living off benefits, unable to pay a babysitter or anything to handle the children when she has a job. That's not fun to dance to. Also, another thing I have a problem with is this part of "It Ain't Me" by Kygo and Selena Gomez.

​It ain't me (random gibberish that apparently "translates" to "The Bowery, whiskey neat, grateful, I'm so grateful")

No matter how much you say that Selena's sayin' words there I can't believe you. It's just another goddamn chopped vocal section that passes off as a hook. And it's everywhere.

All you have to do is-- (bah) (doo doo doo doo doo doo) / All you have to do is...

Rockabye, rocka-rocka-rocka-rockabye

But my main problem with most tropical house is that it all sounds the same. Wherever it's Demi Lovato, Ellie Goulding or Alessia Cara being the "female guest singer of the day", it all sounds the same. It's EDM you can't dance to. In fact, I'm gonna coin a name for this shit: ESTaJSYHaLBM. Electronic Stay There and Just Sway Your Head a Little Bit Music. Also, a lot of the lyrics are generic and kinda stupid.

​Promise me no promises

​Even Ed Sheeran has got into the tropical house thing... yeah you've probably heard it. It's got one billion views, it was number one for God knows how long, you know how it goes.

​I'm in love with the shape of you

​And it's one of the worst of the worst tropical house songs. I'm just glad Jason Derulo hasn't done one yet... please don't let this backfire on me.

Today I'm going to talk about a song with dance in the title that's a dancehall-infused dance song. Jesus Christ, Drake, you're really freaking desperate, aren't you?

​"One Dance" by Drake feat. Kyla and Wizkid
Review coming soon.