User blog:Omgitskittykatty/The "B" Man Loves Nobody (Nick Fanon Guy)

'WARNING: THIS PROGRAMME CONTAINS SEXUAL REFERENCES AND STRONG LANGUAGE AND YO MAMA. BE WARNED MOTHER-BLEEP!'

Bagel: ♪ Baby, you were crazy if you thought I loved ya ♪
 * ♪ Cause the “B” Man loves nobody but himself. ♪

Patti: ♪ I never knew how twisted a fellow could be. ♪

Bagel: ♪ Hey, I guess it’s good I never told ya I’m into pee. ♪

Patti: ♪ Don’t you ever listen to your inner conscience? ♪

Bagel: ♪ Oh, sorry, babe, I wasn’t listening, what? ♪

Patti: ♪ You really are total scum. ♪
 * ♪ If only you could see the man that you’ve become. ♪

Bagel: ♪ Baby, you were crazy if you thought I loved ya ♪
 * ♪ Cause the “B" Man loves nobody, ♪

Patti: ♪ You really love nobody, ♪

Bagel: ♪ And boy I mean nobody, ♪

Patti: ♪ And boy you mean nobody, ♪

Bagel: ♪ But my own sweet flippin’ self. ♪
 * All right, look, whatever your problem is, just get it off your breast-chest.

Patti: ♪ I thought you gave me your heart. ♪

Bagel: I gave you VD, isn’t that enough?

Patti: ♪ You said that we’d never part. ♪

Bagel: Oh, I was just kidding.

<p style="font-family:Helvetica,Arial,sans-serif;font-size:14px;">Patti: ♪ You gave me your lovers’ vow. ♪

<p style="font-family:Helvetica,Arial,sans-serif;font-size:14px;">Bagel: ♪ Ha! If you really thought I meant it, you oughtta get your head examined right now! ♪

<p style="font-family:Helvetica,Arial,sans-serif;font-size:14px;">Patti: ♪ You told me you’d never stray. ♪

<p style="font-family:Helvetica,Arial,sans-serif;font-size:14px;">Bagel: Well, that’s cause we hadn’t had sex yet.

<p style="font-family:Helvetica,Arial,sans-serif;font-size:14px;">Patti: ♪ And then you just walked away. ♪

<p style="font-family:Helvetica,Arial,sans-serif;font-size:14px;">Bagel: Ain’t I a stinker?

<p style="font-family:Helvetica,Arial,sans-serif;font-size:14px;">Patti: ♪ Your attitude really stank! ♪

<p style="font-family:Helvetica,Arial,sans-serif;font-size:14px;">Bagel: ♪ Look, you don’t need to be a genius to see that I was givin' you the yank yank! ♪

<p style="font-family:Helvetica,Arial,sans-serif;font-size:14px;">Patti: What else did you *bleep-bleep* me about?

<p style="font-family:Helvetica,Arial,sans-serif;font-size:14px;">Bagel: Well, since you asked…
 * ♪ Remember when I said I was goin' down the block ♪
 * ♪ To grab a couple boozers with a pal? ♪

<p style="font-family:Helvetica,Arial,sans-serif;font-size:14px;">Patti: ♪ Yeah, you had a friend from college that you had to meet. ♪

<p style="font-family:Helvetica,Arial,sans-serif;font-size:14px;">Bagel: ♪ No, I was at the women’s shoe store lookin' at feet! ♪

<p style="font-family:Helvetica,Arial,sans-serif;font-size:14px;">Patti: What?!

<p style="font-family:Helvetica,Arial,sans-serif;font-size:14px;">Bagel: ♪ Remember when I said I had a dental checkup? ♪
 * ♪ Well, let me say that I give quite a root canal. ♪
 * Heh, heh, all ri-i-i-ight.

<p style="font-family:Helvetica,Arial,sans-serif;font-size:14px;">Patti: ♪ You promised me that you’d be true. ♪

<p style="font-family:Helvetica,Arial,sans-serif;font-size:14px;">Bagel: ♪ Hey! To me you’re just BLEEP number 6-0-2.

<p style="font-family:Helvetica,Arial,sans-serif;font-size:14px;">Bagel: ♪ Baby, you were crazy if you thought I loved ya ♪
 * ♪ Cause the “B” Man loves nobody, ♪

<p style="font-family:Helvetica,Arial,sans-serif;font-size:14px;">Patti: ♪ You really love nobody, ♪

<p style="font-family:Helvetica,Arial,sans-serif;font-size:14px;">Bagel: ♪ And boy I mean nobody, ♪

<p style="font-family:Helvetica,Arial,sans-serif;font-size:14px;">Patti: ♪ And boy you mean nobody, ♪

<p style="font-family:Helvetica,Arial,sans-serif;font-size:14px;">Bagel: ♪ But my own sweet flippin’ self. ♪

<p style="font-family:Helvetica,Arial,sans-serif;font-size:14px;">Patti: What do you have to say for yourself, you slime?

<p style="font-family:Helvetica,Arial,sans-serif;font-size:14px;">Bagel: Can I just squeeze your left BLEEP a little bit?

<p style="font-family:Helvetica,Arial,sans-serif;font-size:14px;">Patti: You’re the most insensitive man I’ve ever met.

<p style="font-family:Helvetica,Arial,sans-serif;font-size:14px;">Bagel: Aw, that’s not true; I’ve got feelin's the same as the next guy. Well, last week, my grandma died, I was really uspset.

<p style="font-family:Helvetica,Arial,sans-serif;font-size:14px;">Patti: Oh, I’m sorry.

<p style="font-family:Helvetica,Arial,sans-serif;font-size:14px;">Bagel: So, how about a BLEEP?
 * ♪ Cause the “B” Man loves nobody, ♪

<p style="font-family:Helvetica,Arial,sans-serif;font-size:14px;">Patti: ♪ You really love nobody, ♪

<p style="font-family:Helvetica,Arial,sans-serif;font-size:14px;">Bagel: ♪ And boy I mean nobody, ♪

<p style="font-family:Helvetica,Arial,sans-serif;font-size:14px;">Patti: ♪ And boy you mean nobody, ♪

<p style="font-family:Helvetica,Arial,sans-serif;font-size:14px;">Bagel: ♪ But my own ♪

<p style="font-family:Helvetica,Arial,sans-serif;font-size:14px;">Both: ♪ Sweet, flippin’ self! ♪

<p style="font-family:Helvetica,Arial,sans-serif;font-size:14px;"> Bagel: Come on, honey, I’ll make it up to you. I’ll buy you some lingerie, heh. Giggity, giggity, giggidty, giggity!

<p style="font-family:Helvetica,Arial,sans-serif;font-size:14px;">Chrome: What a delightful couple.

<p style="font-family:Helvetica,Arial,sans-serif;font-size:14px;">Dude: She’s got boobies!

<p style="font-family:Helvetica,Arial,sans-serif;font-size:14px;">Stacy: Yes, she does, Dude, but we don’t use that word in public.

<p style="font-family:Helvetica,Arial,sans-serif;font-size:14px;">Dude: She’s got....teats!

<p style="font-family:Helvetica,Arial,sans-serif;font-size:14px;">Stacy: We don’t say that either.

<p style="font-family:Helvetica,Arial,sans-serif;font-size:14px;">Dude: Well, what the heck am I supposed to say?

<p style="font-family:Helvetica,Arial,sans-serif;font-size:14px;">Stacy: I would just not bring it up at all.

<p style="font-family:Helvetica,Arial,sans-serif;font-size:14px;">Nyan: God, Dude, you’re such an idiot!

<p style="font-family:Helvetica,Arial,sans-serif;font-size:14px;">Chrome: Well, my dear, you’re not exactly the cream of the crop yourself, you know. And, by the way, when was the last time you had a date?

<p style="font-family:Helvetica,Arial,sans-serif;font-size:14px;">Nyan: …I have one tonight.

<p style="font-family:Helvetica,Arial,sans-serif;font-size:14px;">Chrome: Really? Well, for your sake, I hope it’s with Jack LaLanne. Ha! Krazy, Krazy.

<p style="font-family:Helvetica,Arial,sans-serif;font-size:14px;">Krazy: Huh?

<p style="font-family:Helvetica,Arial,sans-serif;font-size:14px;">Chrome: Oh, dude, I had my hand up for a high five, and you totally freaking dissed me.

<p style="font-family:Helvetica,Arial,sans-serif;font-size:14px;">Krazy: Oh, sorry, you, uh, wanna try again?

<p style="font-family:Helvetica,Arial,sans-serif;font-size:14px;">Chrome: Yes.

<p style="font-family:Helvetica,Arial,sans-serif;font-size:14px;">Krazy: Uh, ok, one, two, three.

<p style="font-family:Helvetica,Arial,sans-serif;font-size:14px;">{smack}

<p style="font-family:Helvetica,Arial,sans-serif;font-size:14px;">KM: Ow, my eye!

<p style="font-family:Helvetica,Arial,sans-serif;font-size:14px;">Krazy: Oh, sorry, I haven’t high fived anyone in about six years. Well, you folks out there have probably wondered if we ever hang out with other cartoon characters in our spare time. Well, we try to avoid it, because frankly, they’re a pretty BLEEP bunch.

<p style="font-family:Helvetica,Arial,sans-serif;font-size:14px;">KM: Yeah, I mean listen to what happened last week...

<p style="font-family:Helvetica,Arial,sans-serif;font-size:14px;">All Cartoons are BLEEP Dicks:

<p style="font-family:Helvetica,Arial,sans-serif;font-size:14px;">KM: ♪ On Monday I had drinks with Barney Rubble. ♪
 * ♪ We hit a couple divey little bars. ♪
 * ♪ We noticed there was quite a lovely lady ♪
 * ♪ Sitting at the table next to ours. ♪

<p style="font-family:Helvetica,Arial,sans-serif;font-size:14px;">
 * ♪ Now Barney who was pretty friggin’ wasted ♪
 * ♪ Got up and stumbled over with a groan. ♪
 * ♪ He said, “Hey just between us, ♪
 * ♪ My Neanderthalic BLEEP ♪
 * ♪ Is as massive as a Stegosaurus bone!” ♪

<p style="font-family:Helvetica,Arial,sans-serif;font-size:14px;">
 * ♪ All cartoons are BLEEP dicks. ♪
 * ♪ They get their kicks from being pricks. ♪
 * ♪ It’s a quirk we just can’t fix, ♪
 * ♪ Cause all cartoons are BLEEP dicks. ♪

<p style="font-family:Helvetica,Arial,sans-serif;font-size:14px;"> Nyan: Did Barney really say that?

<p style="font-family:Helvetica,Arial,sans-serif;font-size:14px;">KM: Oh, yeah, he is a bastard.

<p style="font-family:Helvetica,Arial,sans-serif;font-size:14px;">Stacy: Wow.

<p style="font-family:Helvetica,Arial,sans-serif;font-size:14px;">KM: And he, and he really does not give a damn about the feelings of women. And, uh, it’s sad. It’s really sad.

<p style="font-family:Helvetica,Arial,sans-serif;font-size:14px;"> Krazy: Well, you think that’s bad, listen to this:
 * ♪ One day I met an ape of great charisma. ♪
 * ♪ Magilla the Gorilla was his name. ♪
 * ♪ He wore a little hat and matching bowtie, ♪
 * ♪ A fashion which has brought him great acclaim. ♪

<p style="font-family:Helvetica,Arial,sans-serif;font-size:14px;">
 * ♪ I said, “What do you see as your career peak, ♪
 * ♪ Of all your many flashy escapades?” ♪
 * ♪ He said, “Well this is funky, ♪
 * ♪ But you’re lookin' at the monkey ♪
 * ♪ Who’s responsible for bringing you the AIDS!” ♪

<p style="font-family:Helvetica,Arial,sans-serif;font-size:14px;">
 * ♪ All cartoons are BLEEP dicks. ♪
 * ♪ They get their kicks from being pricks. ♪
 * ♪ It’s a quirk we just can’t fix, ♪
 * ♪ Cause all cartoons are BLEEP dicks. ♪

<p style="font-family:Helvetica,Arial,sans-serif;font-size:14px;"> KM: So he’s the culprit.

<p style="font-family:Helvetica,Arial,sans-serif;font-size:14px;">Chrome: I say, that is just awful.

<p style="font-family:Helvetica,Arial,sans-serif;font-size:14px;"> Stacy: Ok, ok, listen to this little gem:
 * ♪ I had a conversation at a party ♪
 * ♪ With famous rabbit hunter Elmer Fudd. ♪
 * ♪ He told me I just had to see his rifle ♪
 * ♪ And dropped it on the table with a thud. ♪

<p style="font-family:Helvetica,Arial,sans-serif;font-size:14px;">
 * ♪ I said to him, “It’s quite a lovely firearm.”
 * ♪ He told me his fiancée likes it too. ♪
 * ♪ He said, “This may be corny, ♪
 * ♪ But BLEEP ♪
 * ♪ BLEEP!” ♪

<p style="font-family:Helvetica,Arial,sans-serif;font-size:14px;">
 * ♪ All cartoons are BLEEP dicks. ♪
 * ♪ They get their kicks from being pricks. ♪
 * ♪ It’s a quirk we just can’t fix, ♪
 * ♪ Cause all cartoons are BLEEP dicks. ♪

<p style="font-family:Helvetica,Arial,sans-serif;font-size:14px;">KM: Oh, god, that is one sick bastard.

<p style="font-family:Helvetica,Arial,sans-serif;font-size:14px;">Chrome: Ooh, you’re not kidding.

<p style="font-family:Helvetica,Arial,sans-serif;font-size:14px;">Krazy: Yeah, that, uh, that kind of stuff is against the law too, I think.

<p style="font-family:Helvetica,Arial,sans-serif;font-size:14px;"> Dude: Well, I got one that’s even worse than that:
 * ♪ On Friday night I went to get some candy, ♪
 * ♪ Some soda and some chips and other stuff. ♪
 * ♪ Along the way I passed a little alley. ♪
 * ♪ And there I saw that canine cop McGruff. ♪

<p style="font-family:Helvetica,Arial,sans-serif;font-size:14px;">
 * ♪ I said to him, “Hey you’re that famous crime dog!” ♪
 * ♪ He said, “I only work from nine to five. ♪
 * ♪ And now it’s close to tennish ♪
 * ♪ And I’ve got a job to finish, ♪
 * ♪ Cause as you can see, this hooker’s still alive!” ♪

<p style="font-family:Helvetica,Arial,sans-serif;font-size:14px;">
 * ♪ All cartoons are BLEEP dicks... n' BLEEP. ♪
 * ♪ They get their kicks from being pricks. ♪
 * ♪ It’s a quirk we just can’t fix, ♪
 * ♪ Cause all cartoons are BLEEP dicks... n' BLEEP. ♪

<p style="font-family:Helvetica,Arial,sans-serif;font-size:14px;"> Nyan: That’s awful!

<p style="font-family:Helvetica,Arial,sans-serif;font-size:14px;">Chrome: Ugh, imagine McGruff beating up hookers.

<p style="font-family:Helvetica,Arial,sans-serif;font-size:14px;">KM: He is a dick, he is a dick.

<p style="font-family:Helvetica,Arial,sans-serif;font-size:14px;"> Chrome: Yes, yes, he’s a nasty cartoon, but I can top that. Listen to this:
 * ♪ One day as I was strolling through the forest ♪
 * ♪ I happened on some mushroom covered turf. ♪
 * ♪ And there from underneath a patch of fungus ♪
 * ♪ Emerged the one and only Papa Smurf. ♪

<p style="font-family:Helvetica,Arial,sans-serif;font-size:14px;">
 * ♪ He said, “This is our secret mushroom village.” ♪
 * ♪ I said, “Then I’m the first to see these views?” ♪
 * ♪ He said, “I’m only kiddin’ ♪
 * ♪ Cause we only keep it hidden ♪
 * ♪ From the Asians, Arabs, BLEEP, blacks, and BLEEP!” ♪

<p style="font-family:Helvetica,Arial,sans-serif;font-size:14px;">
 * ♪ All cartoons are BLEEP dicks. ♪
 * ♪ They get their kicks from being pricks. ♪
 * ♪ It’s a quirk we just can’t fix, ♪
 * ♪ Cause all cartoons are BLEEP dicks. ♪

<p style="font-family:Helvetica,Arial,sans-serif;font-size:14px;"> Stacy: That Papa Smurf sounds like a monster.

<p style="font-family:Helvetica,Arial,sans-serif;font-size:14px;">Chrome: Oh, he is a dirty, nasty racist, and a bigot, and a BLEEP, and you know what I did when I got home?

<p style="font-family:Helvetica,Arial,sans-serif;font-size:14px;">Krazy: What?

<p style="font-family:Helvetica,Arial,sans-serif;font-size:14px;">Chrome: I called up Gargamel, and I told him where the village is. Hahahahahahahahaha!

<p style="font-family:Helvetica,Arial,sans-serif;font-size:14px;">KM: Haha, sweet!

<p style="font-family:Helvetica,Arial,sans-serif;font-size:14px;">Nyan: Can I go next?

<p style="font-family:Helvetica,Arial,sans-serif;font-size:14px;">Stacy: Of course, sweetie.

<p style="font-family:Helvetica,Arial,sans-serif;font-size:14px;">Nyan: ♪ One day I met a—♪

<p style="font-family:Helvetica,Arial,sans-serif;font-size:14px;">KM: Holy crap, look who’s here, it’s Jason Alexander!

<p style="font-family:Helvetica,Arial,sans-serif;font-size:14px;">Jason: Hey, cartoon haters.

<p style="font-family:Helvetica,Arial,sans-serif;font-size:14px;">Nyan: But, but I was supposed to go next!

<p style="font-family:Helvetica,Arial,sans-serif;font-size:14px;">Stacy: Quiet, honey, Mr. Alexander wants to talk.

<p style="font-family:Helvetica,Arial,sans-serif;font-size:14px;">Jason: I couldn’t help overhearing what you were talking about, and I agree. Cartoons are real BLEEP.

<p style="font-family:Helvetica,Arial,sans-serif;font-size:14px;">Krazy: Yeah, that’s, uh, sorta what we’ve been trying to communicate.

<p style="font-family:Helvetica,Arial,sans-serif;font-size:14px;">Jason: Well, get a load of this.

<p style="font-family:Helvetica,Arial,sans-serif;font-size:14px;">KM: Hahaha, he said “load.”

<p style="font-family:Helvetica,Arial,sans-serif;font-size:14px;">Stacy: Haha, hahaha, I know, I heard.

<p style="font-family:Helvetica,Arial,sans-serif;font-size:14px;"> Jason: ♪ I once met Scooby Doo at a premiere bash. ♪
 * ♪ He looked a little haggard and he stunk. ♪
 * ♪ He said, “The trouble started last December, ♪
 * ♪ When Daphne made a pass while she was drunk.” ♪

<p style="font-family:Helvetica,Arial,sans-serif;font-size:14px;">
 * ♪ And now he’s got a child out of wedlock. ♪
 * ♪ It’s dealing his career a fatal blow. ♪
 * ♪ I asked him, “Where’s the baby?” ♪
 * ♪ He said, “Jason, buddy, maybe ♪
 * ♪ Now you see why BLEEP Scrappy’s gotta go!” ♪

<p style="font-family:Helvetica,Arial,sans-serif;font-size:14px;">
 * ♪ All cartoons are BLEEP dicks. ♪
 * ♪ They get their kicks from being pricks. ♪
 * ♪ It’s a quirk we just can’t fix, ♪
 * ♪ Cause all cartoons are BLEEP dicks. ♪

<p style="font-family:Helvetica,Arial,sans-serif;font-size:14px;"> KM: Wow, Scrappy is the bastard child of Scooby and Daphne.

<p style="font-family:Helvetica,Arial,sans-serif;font-size:14px;">Jason: Shocking, isn’t it?

<p style="font-family:Helvetica,Arial,sans-serif;font-size:14px;">KM: Yeah. Hey, you BLEEP bags wanna wrap this up?

<p style="font-family:Helvetica,Arial,sans-serif;font-size:14px;">Chorus: ♪ So let us leave you now with one suggestion: ♪
 * ♪ A bit of wisdom you can take for free. ♪
 * ♪ The Mickeys and the Goofys and the Daffys ♪
 * ♪ Are not the gentle souls they seem to be. ♪

<p style="font-family:Helvetica,Arial,sans-serif;font-size:14px;">
 * ♪ So any time Sylvester catches Tweety ♪
 * ♪ Or Tom has got poor Jerry in a fix (he’s in a fix) ♪
 * ♪ Sit back and just observe it, ♪
 * ♪ Cause the little BLEEP deserve it, ♪
 * ♪ For all cartoons are BLEEP dicks! ♪

<p style="font-family:Helvetica,Arial,sans-serif;font-size:14px;"> Chrome: So, when do we get to the off-color part of the album?

<p style="font-family:Helvetica,Arial,sans-serif;font-size:14px;">

<p style="font-family:Helvetica,Arial,sans-serif;font-size:14px;">Krazy: Actually, if I can soften the mood a bit, I’d like to share a memory with you. When we were filming Chrome Goes to Europe and Krazy Comes with Him Too for Extra Jokes and Obvious Time Killing Techniques, I got a chance to see the lovely city of Paris.

<p style="font-family:Helvetica,Arial,sans-serif;font-size:14px;">(and btw, Rob, you're Dr Hartman)