User blog:SuperSaiyanKirby/SSK Reviews Episode Six: Rejected

Hello everyone. SSK here. Welcome back to SSK Reviews. Today, we're looking at an animated short entitled "Rejected".

Stuff on this short reviewed for sh*t and giggles
Rejected is an animated short animated by Don Hertzfeldt. The film follows Don's commisioning for animated shorts on a family network and food commercials, with all the animated shorts being rejected.

The Family Learning Channel
In the Spring of 1999, Don was commissioned to animate promotional segments for the Family Learning Channel. However, once Don showed them the cartoons, they were rejected and never aired. Let's look at the cartoons, shall we?
 * The first short features a person holding a gigantic spoon, repeatedly saying "My spoon is too big." A banana comes along and says "I am a banana.". For some reason, we hear a vacuum sound and we are greeted with the saying: "You're watching the Family Learning Channel". The end phrase happens for the first few shorts.
 * Two guys are standing, and one guy says "Tuesday's coming. Did you bring your coat?", with the other guy saying "I live in a giant bucket.". Then, some strange spore pops from the first guy's head, saying random gibbersih, with the other guy replying with "F*ck!". The guys and spore then watch a pig-octopus fly through the sky.
 * Three people with strange hats are standing around with a sign that says "Silly Hats Only". A guy comes wearing a top hat, as we all know, top hats are not silly. The three look at the guy, and we are greeted with the "You're watching the Family Learning Channel", and then we are shown the three beating up the guy with bats.
 * We are greeted with the end phrase, this time with a narrator saying "You're watching the Family Learning Channel! And now, angry ticks fire out of my nipples.". We are then shown a guy approaching three kids, and he makes animal noises as ticks from the guy's nipples attack the kids.
 * The two guys from the second short are seen, this time the first guy says "Say, do you want to go see a movie?", with the second guy replying "I am feeling fat... and sassy!" The two screech at each other, and this continues for the rest of the short as blood spews out of the first guy's right eye.

Johnson & Mills
The Johnson & Mills Corporation approach Don to produce a series of advertisements for their home products. The shorts Don produced for the corporation were also rejected.
 * A guy is standing, with a Yield sign nearby. A UFO drops down, and opens up with an alien taking the guy's eyes. The UFO flies off as the guy walks into the Yield sign. An advert then appears saying that Johnson & Mills' Fish Sticks are now with more sodium. Sweet Jesus!
 * Two guys (possible the guys from the Family Learning Channel shorts) are standing, and the first guy pulls out a part of the guy's gut, beats him to death with it, and wears it as a hat. The guy then says that he is evil, and then does a victory dance. An advert appears saying that Johnson & Mills' Bean Lard Mulch has more Vitamin C.
 * A baby named "Poopy" is seen taking his/her's first steps, as a mother tells her husband to come quick. An audience his heard "Aww"ing, meaning that this is in the style of a sitcom. The baby then walks and falls down big steps of stairs, as the audience cheers. An advert appears for Johnson & Mills' Kelp Dip, with a kid saying that he is a consumer whore.
 * A puffy thing appears, saying for everybody to dance. Other puffy people start dancing, and they continue to dance, as the first puffy discovers that his anus is bleeding, and drowns in his blood.

Downfall
Don was now completing segments with his left hand, as we are shown a short where a... well, I don't know exactly. Soon, without any narrative structure in the cartoons, they grew unstable and began to fall apart. All the characters that had appeared in the short are seen being killed in ridiculous ways, whether if it was the Family Learning Channel logo, or clouds and stars, everybody died. The end.

Short's legacy and what I think about it
This short won tons of awards at festivals. Plus, this short was intended to appear on Adult Swim in it's early years, but it was delayed until November 2002. Heavily advertised, it was pulled off the air at the last minute due to unknown reasons. It was possibly because of the short using the word "Jesus" which would be not allowed on Turner networks.

This short film was hilarious. Spoons and bananas or whatever, I give this short my official gratitude.

8.5 out of 10 would watch again. That's my rating.

Thanks for reading, guys. Tune in next time, as I review whatever.